Good to hear this seems to have solved your issues.
I think this is partly an historical artifact. If your only option is HDD versus RAM, then, if you had the RAM on a beefy enterprise type server, clearly loading all nodes in RAM had huge benefits in terms of loading / processing speed, as the nodes table needs to be accessed pretty much randomly for building ways and multipolygon relations, which is especially poor on a mechanical harddrive.
Nowadays, with SSD’s and both motherboard and external interfaces like USB becoming ever faster, the whole thing of loading everything in memory for speed starts to become moot, unless you are really pressed for time. I think I saw someone mentioning having been able to load a rather recent planet in just 5-6 hours or so on a high end machine with plenty of RAM… that is probably still out of reach for most casual OSM users.